Why does it seem that the people you care about the most are the ones that dish out the most hurt sometimes. It's good to argue though because if there wasn't any conflict then something is seriously wrong with the relationship. Overcoming obstacles however minute and ill-detailed they are are still obstacles that are overcome and they are succeeded together in a relationship.

I am lucky to say that I have a strong bond with Nicole that can overcome everything and anything.

"Through thick and thin, Through hell and back."

Sometimes you have to give in to the unknown. A lot of people have a comfort zone where trust is just naturally limited in some situations,you just have to let go. Well, what if something bad happens because you do trust that person? My response to that would have to be well then you obviously shouldn't be together now should you?

Many problems going on with peoples this last month. I'll do my best to be the friend that is always there.

I saw Adam Gene Kelley's mom working over at Mike Shad Ford, she looked me straight in the eyes and I glared back and drove off. The past is best left in the past, no need in digging up past things. Especially since it was a victory on my part.

Today we did the Confidence course with the incoming freshmen to the unit. Midshipman candidates as we say, I just call them "Candies". That took a majority of the day which was good because then I didn't have to fret about the ominous things going through my head. A lot of things have been bothering me lately.

Ever feel like you are just so angry and you just wish that, that pain would stop. You wish that people would understand what you are talking about but they usually don't until it's too late, or because of their pride they never admit it. I hate that. I also hate dishonesty.

I'm the kind of person that will tell you something straight up if you ask, no bullshit. I wish I could say the same about people that I hang out with.

So college is starting back up. That also means Spec War PT. I already have a BUD/s slot lined up with some people I have family connections with. They know people who know people. So I should probably finish buying my books for college now.

Until next time.

Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes.

He stays up for days on end.
__________________________

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.

He goes days or weeks without running water.
__________________________

You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.

He gets shot at, as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
__________________________

You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
__________________________

You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket.

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.
__________________________

You talk trash on your "buddies" that aren't with you.

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.
__________________________

You don't feel like helping out your dad today, so you don't.

He does what he is told.
__________________________

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
__________________________

You complain about how hot it is.

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.
__________________________

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He does not get to eat today.
__________________________

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.

He wears the same things for months, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
__________________________

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.
__________________________

You are angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

He is told he will be held an extra 2 months.

He does as he is told.
__________________________

You call your girlfriend and set a date for that night.

He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
__________________________

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.

He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.
__________________________

You ditch class to go to a movie.

He goes where he is told.
__________________________

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet.
__________________________

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own government and remembers why he is fighting.
__________________________

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of the men like him.

He hears the gun fire and bombs.
__________________________

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the bodies lying around him.
__________________________

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.

He does what he is told.
__________________________


You stay at home and watch tv.

He takes whatever time he is given to call and write home, sleep, and eat.
__________________________

You crawl into your bed, with down pillows, and try to get comfortable.

He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gun fire.
__________________________

You sit there and judge him, saying the world is a worse place because of men like him.

If only there were more men like him

Went on our Drill Meet to Auburn Alabama, had so much fucking fun it was unreal. No tape on doors, no tape on doors, no tape on doors. LOL so much shit happened it was so damned hella tight you guys just don't know.

"tape the doors...why the fuck would you do that?"

that's what I'm talking about...

We took 2nd place overall and took a couple other places but the fucking meet only had 1st place trophies.

I've been in the Special Warfare unit for about a week and a half now. Those fuckers are fast, I'll get there eventually.

So yeah I'm having so much fun it's fucking ridiculous.

The next meet is going to be at fucking MARDI GRAS FOR A DAMN WEEK. SOOOOOO KICK FUCKING ASSS!

Joke of the Day:


In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a
tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was
her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to
allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step,
only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the
step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a
little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She
went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with
you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we was
friends."
--------------------

So that was hilarious...

In later news.

I am offered the opportunity to be the only Freshman to join the Special Warfare Unit in the battalion at JU.

Mainly because they know I'm going to get into that and no one else has the balls.

So I could start PT with them in like a week. And it is very very very very very hard.

Then again it would have to be considering I would be training to be the commander of a Navy SEAL unit.

I just feel like I'm not ready yet though. Then there is the fact that all of the friends I have made with in the unit that I PT with every morning and share all the struggles with won't be there. I just feel I don't know, excited because this is what I got into this shit for in the first place and a little bit hesitant. So in a week I'm going to make my decision.

either way next semester I'm going to join the spec war unit. I was thinking of just using this semester to get ready for that. I mean just jumping right into that crazy shit is like...damn...I have a couple more people to talk to about it though.


Our first drill meet is this coming Friday. We are leaving thursday night and this shit is going to be so hella tight guys. The drill meets in highschool weren't shit compared to this it's gonna be a shitload of fun. We are going to Auburn Alabama...and we are gonna kick ass.

Our drill team is so locked, cocked, and ready to rock. However, the exhibition routine which we just pulled out of our ass today that we have to perform next week is fucked.

But I know we are going to take fucking first place on the drill team regulation sequence. It's gonna be fucking awesome.

The way our rifles slap in unisom makes me close to joygasm.

and yes I made that word up.


JOYGASM!

So I ended up judging Drill Team inspection.

I stood in front of a girl for five minutes staring straight into her eyes, then I asked her three questions which she got wrong. I then asked her who the president was to make her feel better. She still cried.

the marine judge with me was taken aback because he'd never seen anyone make someone else cry like that.

I just laughed. because it was hilarious.

In any case I'm loving life and in about a week I'm going to get 2 grand from UNF...money that I can do whatever with.

Today I ended the events of the day laying beside the love of my life. And that ladies and gentlmen is always a great thing.

new year, new perspective, still ready


So this new year has started off good. I have over 1800 in the bank and I'm getting another 2 grand at the end of the month from UNF into my own pocket. It's funny how the year before the most money I've ever had in my possession was 100 dollars and now I'm going to have over 3,000 dollars...WHICH i'M GOING TO SAVE. unlike some people that I have known over the years that can manage to blow 1,000 dollars easy. Not wise when you have zero to diddly squat in income. It's nice...really nice...knowing that all your hard work in highschool actually does pay you off.

I can literally say that I am getting paid to go to college.

In any case tomorrow should be an interesting day. I am judging at the Nease High School Inter-Service Drill Meet.

ME
A JUDGE

AND GUESS WHAT i'M JUDGE FOR...

COLOR GUARD...SHEESH what do you take me for.


Tomorrow...they come under my scrutiny.

THEY ARE DOOMED.

Hey peeps, drop me an e-mail sometime.

Love ya guys always.

This is from my 40 year old, First Sergeant: Gunnery Sgt Upton...


PT gear or Unit Polo and Khaki for Change of Command practice. After that you will wear unit polo and khaki until 1200. Then you will change into your Khaki uniform(Charlies for Marines). After the change of Command you must wear your camoflauge thong with roller blades.

Semper Tanks,

Gunny


I LAUGHED AND THEN I CRIED. One of the guys in our platoon asked him if roller skates instead of roller blades would be okay.

ON THE DOT. WE CALLED EACHOTHER ON THE PHONE, YAY! In any case it's been ONE YEAR AND A COUPLE OF MINUTES! Tonight is going to be great.

Despite everything, this year was well worth my time.

I LOVE YOU NICOLE!

1 day 11 hours and 30 minutes,

I fell asleep next to an angel today, and she saved my life.

Hung out with Jay, and my little bro. Helped Dad build a fence, studied for psychology.


I love you Nicole.

LUCKY 7 DAYS UNTIL ONE YEAR!

So I have the next five days pretty much to myself. Cept this weekend, I'll more than likely work.

Hayner moves tomorrow morning at 6 A.M. I couldn't make it to helping him pack today because I was sick, and sore from PT the other day. I went to sleep, you know the whole I'll just take a short nap thing and didn't wake up until late.

Right now I'm watching the TV series, FireFly, the series that the movie Serenity was based on. That movie kicked major ass.

I'm bragging about my relationship online now in my IMs...lol I can't help it.


I love her that much.

Why do non of yous guys reply to my journal anymore?

-probably because no one really has time, it's cool...I hope you guys still find it entertaining to read from time to time.

Took the Navy PRT the other day, passed with flying colors. I did 94 pushups in 2 minutes, 94 situps in 2 minutes and ran a mile and a half in 10:43. It sucks about the pushups and situps because I was 6 away from 100 in both but whatever.

So, I weigh 187 now and my body fat percentage is 17%. I feel great.

School and classes are getting better, but man...Calc 2 is still a hardass class. I feel smart though, I don't know anyone personally who is in Calc 2. MWAA HAAA HAAA I ARE SO SMART!

So, N.B. Forrest's Home Drill Meet is on Nov. 19th, 2005 and so is the dinner that I have to go to, to celebrate with a really close friend of mine. I'm not sharing his name because only certain people were invited, I don't wany anyone making a special guest-asshole appearance. I'm deciding whether I should try to show up for both.

In later news I'm counting down to the one-year mark...17 days...17 days guys...


17 days to the mark when I asked out Nicole...it will be one year.

Yay!

actually it's more like 16 days 9 hours and 17 minutes or so.

I'm not doing the seconds, I'm not that obsessive compulsive.

(EL-OH-EL) AKA LOL

So...yeah college ROTC kicks so much ass, we do so much stuff. It is the real deal you guys have no idea. It's so fucking great.


Everyone is doing good.

Jay is working his way into the groove dispite difficulties in things right now. He's well on his way to representing all of us in the Air Force. I personally am very proud to know him.

Hayner is duking it out with the other Jarheads up north at Norwich. I feel yah bro, I got them for PT, and Drill Instructors too! Last I heard he and some hot chick from California were starting to get close...mmm gotta love those sparks!


Lariviere is focusing on work and school. Ol' Rich and Ally are engaged as most of you know. We all wish them them the best of luck. Richard's trying to get into the NROTC program. He found a loop hole and he's getting in his junior year, should work out if he sticks to his guns.


So yeah, we're all pretty much waiting until X-mas break when we can all chill out and swap stories. It's going to be great stuff. We're gonna visit Forrest and do the whole talk about what everything is like out of highschool thing in December. It'll be fun.


Life is so different it's great!

No more Highschool bullshit, or little pissant assholes to worry about.

Next year Nicole will be here at UNF with me, which is one of the great things about all of this. Lots more time to see eachother.

Ah...16 days and 9 hours now...took me forever to finish this entry.


I love you Nicole!


Peac Out DUDES!

Halloween consisted of me giving out candy to older people without costumes carrying walmart plastic bags.

I have a Calculus 2 Exam tomorrow and I'm pretty sure it should be a breeze I've been studying. With all the hype of ROTC and getting shit done I haven't had time to do much of anything else. The only thing I really have is ROTC.

Jay's been having a lot of bad days, I wish that I could be there for him to talk to in person, but as fate has it he's a long way from home. That also probably has a factor in some of his recent problems but no one knows.

I feel helpless I guess. Usually I can be there to do something, anything, but I have to just sit and watch.

Been kinda' depressed, mainly spurting from being tired and hearing about all the stuff my fellow collegiates are out doing, having fun.

But hey, in three years I'll be the one laughing and having the time of my life.

I haven't written in my novel lately but I have some really cool ideas in my head that i will have to committ to my harddrive one of these days.

2 people quit the program from my platoon. I thought they were doing fine but they just up and dropped. One because he was sick of the shit and someone stole his surfboards off of his car, probably because he's a "plebe" and the other quit because the military wasn't his plan- he was forced by his father to join. I don't blame him but I still think him and the other guy should have stuck it out after the hard "proving yourself semester" and actually have fun. I'm not mentioning their names because you guys don't know them, probably don't care, and wouldn't understand the respect that is grown and the comraderie.


I look back at all the shit I bitched about in highschool and I'm ashamed. Don't worry your time will come too, whoever is reading this.

The other day at PT one of our guys went temporarily blind. Just a little taste of how hard we work out. He lost his sight for a little over 5 minutes got it back and then lost it again for another 2. This shit's no joke.


Lately my body has been getting tired. My push-up count went down by 20 and my sit-up count went down by ten. However, my mile and a half run time sped up by 11 seconds. Next week I take the actual test so I need to get back up there.

Tomorrow we get weighed to see how much weight we lost or gained and find out our fat percentage. My fat % was under 20%. That was a couple months ago. Since then we've had those over 6 mile days so I'm pretty sure I've lost a lot of my body fat percentage since then.

Friday we take our military swim quals at the UNF pool. Oh what glorious fun!

Saturday is the Navy/Marine Corps Ball, I'm gonna look dead sexy in my service dress blues (Navy blue mind you so they are pretty much pitch black). I'll probably where that uniform when I go to visit Forrest for the debriefing of life after highschool this December.

And with that some advice I got from my Marine Corps Drill Instructor:

"Two rules that will keep you safe this weekend boys, Wrap it before you tap it, and if your gonna hump cove that stump."

Love Hard Rock Easy!*~*

How you guys doing? I'm doing okay, Nicole gets me through a lot along with talking to Jay and Hayner occassionally they are in the same boat most of the time. Calculus 2 kicks my ass and I'm kinda' worried but kinda' not, eventually it will all click again.

So for PT we are up to running 20 miles a week, and we PT 3 days a week so it's over 6 miles a day and then we pick up the excess on Friday's so Friday's is about 8 miles or so. I can do 60 pushups in a minute, that's a pushup every second. YAY!

A lot of things have been crossing my mind, about life, about whatever. I've been challenged mentally and physically...and I love it.

Today we talked about POW's and the code of conduct of a POW. If you are wondering what it is, it's posted on Jay's Blog for 03 October 2005.

My probable death came up in my mind yet again and I thought for a good long second...as to who wouldn't put their life on the line for the people of this nation.

my schedule goes as thus, wake up at 0430, get cleaned up drive to JU form up get yelled at then jog 2-3 miles and then run for 1-2 full sprint, then we walk around in a circle for cool down stretches and marine corps push-ups. Then I go to JU's library and do homework for 2 hours and report to my NROTC naval science class. After that class I go over to UNF and do Calculus 2, Chemistry, and Lit homework for the 4 hours I have free, oh and I eat too if I have the money. Calc 2 starts at 2:00, and the portable is a mile away from the main campus, then I have to walk back to the main campus for my Chemistry class which ends at 1745. I make it home around 7:30 and in order to get a full 8 hours of sleep I have to be in bed by 8, this is all depending on traffic. So that is every Monday, Wed. and Friday.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I get up at 0430 get my khaki uniform on and report to JU for uniform inspection (two times a week that I have to have my uniform clean and cut). Then I report to UNF for my psycology class at 9:25, that lasts until like 11 and then I have to go to my Lit class which ends at 1:30. On Tuesdays I go straight home from there, on Thursdays I have drill from 3-5 in the afternoon at JU so I have to drive back and stand in the sun.

I have to work on weekends for gas and expenses IE food because yeah I got fucked by the Navy Scholarship. It will be a month before I "possibly" got all of my shit done for that and start receiving money. They had lost my physical and I had to get a new one...oh joy, you guys know how I love being woken up by someone grabbing my testiculars. So anyhow they told me that I was missing my papers a week before school, so everything got fucked up. All the money that I earned working over the summer was conveniently rationed up and primarily spent.


Somehow UNF forgot to tell me that being in ROTC I have to register for a certain class...even though I asked about 20 times if I needed to register for anything for ROTC. Then one of the administrators redid my schedule and luckily I caught that she accidentally put me down for 19 credit hours. They were asking me for another 4-600 dollars to cover tuition...yeah and they told me to pay up the next day at 4pm. Fuck no. So finally I found someone that could help me, we redid my schedule and Bright Futures and my AFA scholarship picked up the tab for tuition. My books came out to be about 700 sumthing dollars but I smartly conserved my money by buying used books, or just not getting books I needed right then, and dropping the extra classes I didn't need brought my books costs down by half. So everything should be fine now right?


Wrong, I get yelled at, at home all the time for literally nothing. I came home one night around 7 sumthing, I had been up since 4 in the morning and was fucking tired. i said "hi" went to my room and started putting up clothes and shit. My dad, mom and lil bro were at the kitchen table eating. My dad came up to me and asked in a calm voice "what are you doing" I replied, "putting up my clothes and..." "DO YOU MIND GETTING THE FUCK OUT HERE AND EATING THE DINNER YOUR MOTHER SPENT ALL DAY COOKING YOU ARROGANT BASTARD?" yeah...so i went to the table after being freaked the fuck out and then as soon as I sat down he told me to meet him in the garage where he told me that I had 2 weeks to pack up and get out of the house because I am an "arrogant bastard".


...

HOW THE FUCK AM I ARROGANT?

So anyhow I've been trying to PT on my own time but whenever I do pushups, as soon as I hit number 30 my head really fucking hurts. Doctors say it's from stress...I wonder where the stress comes from...hmmmm...

So I spend a majority of my day getting yelled at, doing college shit, and working out (trying to). I really miss my Aunt Judy a lot. I really loved her...but she's gone just like all the others.


So it's going to be like this all year. ALL YEAR...I don't even have weekends free because I have to work. You know money doesn't come free. working from 2-10 on Saturdays...then all day Sunday until like 5...cuz I'll have to be up at 4 in the morning that monday.


I literally have no time for myself. I want to kill the person who lost my paperwork for the navy scholarship.


Where does all this bullshit pay out in the end?
Will I ever really have time to mourn for my aunt?
Isn't it sad that the only real freetime I have is this journal entry right here?

Where the fuck is everyone at online when I actually have time to talk?

Oh yeah, Richard I got your call during my psycology lecture, and yeah...I don't have time to hang out. Sorry!


Whatever,
Later.

Was hard and I am out of shape, even though I work out a lot. I puked a lot. Marines like to yell, but nevertheless they are hilarious.

I wore my heart boxers and the dragon ones and all of the Drill Instructors laughed and took pictures. I wore the dragon ones on my head and did rifle drill with a broomstick...that's probably why they took pictures. So anyhow it was a good experience but it had sucky parts too.

As soon as I got in the car on my way home my dad told me the aunt that I've every really known died. I felt bad later that night.

Life is shit sometimes just gotta cope.

so apparently I gotta get up at be at JU every morning at like 0500 hours the whole year.

This summer I'm going on cruises; a week on a carrier, a week on a sub, then a week with marines.


bye

SAMANTHA "LIL SIS" JOHNSEN

Did I spell your last name right? Well Sammay, you've done a good job of supporting me and talking me through some tough times and just been there to make me feel better. I really do feel like you are a little sister to me, we should hang out more. I'm glad that you are here for me, but I am glad that you are there for Nicole more. Thank you for that. You also came through for my brother (not by blood but might as well be) Jason, your boytoy. I was really thinking that he wouldn't find someone special again, but then came you. You have brought a lot of happiness to other people's lives and I hope that you know that. Whenever times get you down remember that you have people that love you and care for you, and I'm one of them.

Later LIL SIS!


ROCK EASY, LOVE HARD! *~*

SALTWATER KISS!!

All in one fucking day.


Pulled my brain or a muscle in my head or something, my truck went ballistic. I was going to take Nicole for a morning/day at the beach and well...it didn't happen because I didn't have a vehicle. We dropped my truck off at about 7 sumthing this morning, which means I got 6 hours of sleep woke up with a throbbing brain. Still haven't received a call from the dealership which means that my truck is seriously fucked up because it usually takes them an hour to fix your vehicle.


Everything that could possibly go wrong did. Now I can't work out for a while and bootcamp is right around the corner. I'm mad. Nicole wanted to come over but I told her not to...I feel that I let her down by not being able to do the beach thing. My ego is shot, and I'm eating away at money with the hospital visit and my recently fucked up vehicle. So much for saving up money, and getting into shape...


Nicole I'm sorry.
Dad I'm sorry.
Mom I'm sorry.

My head is throbbing again to the point that I can't think right I'm gonna go.

I bought a new thing for my phone, a headset that is worn on one ear complete with mouthpiece. Now I can do whatever and not hold onto my phone and look like a commando with a headset that looks like one it's sweet, and it works really good.

Mom woke me up this morning and said that she changed our phone plan so that I have 1,000 minutes instead of 500 a month. I dont' know why but whatever, the first time in my life someone up and did something for me and apparently she doesn't want me to have to pay for that either, yet another nice thing that I didn't see happening. I wonder what the hell she is up to...is it a mask or is my mom really being nice?


AFA scholarship dude sent the check in the mail the other day, I'm planning to use that money to buy books and a parking pass. Boot Camp is coming up soon.
I went for a run this morning and I felt the head bursting thing but then it stopped, so I guess I'm all good now. I'm cutting out of the pushups for a while though. I think I'll try running twice a day, once in the morning and then once at night.


Apparently only 4 people passed the A.P. Calculus test; Jason, Eunice, Chad and Me.

I only know two people who passed the A.P. English; Eunice and me.


Life is great!
So is Love!


Later